“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present.” ~ Unknown
Yesterday night, as I readied for bed, I suddenly caught myself lost in thought. A million thoughts roaming around my head, taking me away from the details of the world at hand. My vision was slightly blurred and my mind was whirling.
As I came to, I felt a little jarred, as if I was coming out of a haze, and I asked myself, “Why do I get lost in thought so much? Why can’t I stay focused on what’s in front of me?” I did a quick check of my thought history and realized that the majority of my life has been spent either fantasizing (my younger days, primarily) or daydreaming. It’s an oversimplification, but it made me ask the question – why?
If the quote above is right, which I believe it is, why do we fill our brains and our time with things that take us away from the present moment?
As I dug deeper, I realized that I largely do it because I’m bored. I do many things because I’m bored. Example: Endless refreshing of Facebook. Sure, there’s procrastination and its root causes at the core of that as well, but boredom is a huge culprit for my behavior that takes me away from appreciating the present moment and the beautiful silence.
We always ask ourselves, “Why am I afraid of failure?” “Why am I afraid to succeed?” These are valid, important questions that I’ve been exploring for years and will continue to! (Life is a *amazzzing* growing process!! I’m a huge fan of it. lol) I think, however, that we don’t realize how much we do just so we won’t be bored. And we don’t tend to ask, “why do I run away from being present to the silence and to myself?”
I’ve been asking myself this since my “coming out of the haze” moment last night….
Here’s my theory: when you endlessly seek ways to escape boredom, what you’re really running away from is being alone in silence with all those millions of thought bubbles floating around in your mind. Whether you’re bored alone or bored in a group, “boring” tends to mean there’s a lack of external stimuli that will fill up your mind and give it an external focus. In other words, when you’re bored, you tend to not have anything to fill up the silence. And we, as a species, tend to really not like that. “Must. Fill. Up. Space. And. Silence…!!!!!!”
But why (I asked myself)??
Because then you have to face yourself. You have to face all those subconscious fears and repetitive put-downs you have cycling through your mind over and over and over again. You have to face the core of who you are. And that’s what you’re really afraid of, more than anything – to meet who you really are. And who you are is something extraordinary and brilliant and beautiful!!! Countless have come to realize this, and have spouted out brilliant quotes like “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us.” (Marianne Williamson)
When I first read this quote, I thought it was ridiculous (seriously). I thought, “why would I be afraid of my own light?” After a few years of soul-searching, I get it. lol We are afraid of showing the world, and ourselves, the true brilliant creatures that we really are, so full of potential and light, able to take responsibility for the whole world. Coat it with our love. It would leave us completely vulnerable. Or so we think.
When you face yourself and sit in silence, your fear-based ego (read “The Power of Now”) is quieted and you come to meet your true nature. You start to become aware of who you really are. That is the scariest thing for your fear-based ego (think of it as the “fear-central” of your mind) because through that process, you realize – I really don’t have anything to fear!! I’m divine!! I’m powerful!! I’m loved and full of love!!! And when you start to see that, to really become aware of it, it breaks down fear-central. So, to keep you from making these discoveries and rendering it false and obsolete, your fear-based ego convinces you that it’s boring to be alone with your mind/your essence, and you do NOT want to be bored.
So, a couple of hours ago..I realized once again that I was running away from boredom and I asked myself, “what am I afraid of?” It’s been said over and over that at the core of every single human action is either Love or Fear, or some derivative of the two. So if I don’t feel good about an action or decision, I know it’s because it’s based on fear. I didn’t feel good, so I paused (in silence!) and asked myself that question…what am I afraid of?
I smiled and I knew.
Thank you for sharing this journey with me!!!!! Sending out soooo much love. So much!!!! 🙂
P.S. A challenge for you – after reading this blog, sit in silence and focus on the inside. Focus on your breathing and just smile. Let thoughts pass by, without focusing on them. Appreciate yourself!!!! 🙂 It’s an amazing exercise and it feels so good. Doctor’s orders! 🙂