Day 20: Confronting Problems Head On (8.29.11)

Don’t let the picture fool you, I was in a full state of forgetfulness about my own power today… until I started to directly take on my problems and to-do items, despite the incredible amount of fear and lethargy.

“Those who do not act will not gain faith.” It’s a quote I picked up from a game on my ipod. Today was a major battle of aggressively fighting for faith in myself, and yes, I won the battle by acting. I fought some deep demons today, demons which have caused full-blown anxiety attacks in the past. Let me assure you – they are in no way fun. But I am back. I reclaimed my power and my true identity.

A few days ago, I had a very potent dream which I remembered several times today. My LA neighborhood was invaded by a giant killer, humanistic robot. The robot was maybe 3 stories tall. I, along with a few superheroes, were in charge of taking down the robot. One by one the superheroes go missing. I’m the last one standing. I try attacking it from the side, as everyone else had done, thinking that if we attacked it head-on we would be killed. It swings violently at me, shooting deadly laser beams at me. I barely escape, running away from its grip. I’m about a block away when I decide I’m going to run straight at it, despite the fact that I’m convinced it’ll shoot its laser beam right at me. I have to try it. I can dodge whatever comes at me, if need be. I take a deep breath and run, fast, right at it, as it’s facing me. I’m runing, waiting to jump out of the way of an attack… but the attack doesn’t come. This is the one thing we all thought would kill us, and it was the one maneouver that enabled me to stop it. I wake up right as I’m taking it down.

The dream’s message was clear. Don’t avoid your problems. Don’t side-step them. Don’t do anything, but confront them head on. You won’t be hurt in the process, as your fears convince you you’ll be; on the contrary, it is the *only* move that’ll allow you to come out unharmed and victorious.

Took me a while today and I struggled more so than I have to date with all the changes going on, but I came out solid. In fact, I feel stronger. I’m more aware of how much I can really handle, and how well I can actually survive.

Sometimes things have to be broken down to be rebuilt again, better, stronger, wiser then before. Parts of me are being broken down, and I know, with 100% certainty, that it’s because I’m being rebuilt. This is an incredibly important time in my life. I can feel myself going through the stretching and the pulling of life, to kick me out of my comfort zone and to reach for more. My oh my… what is the next year going to hold for me? No matter, I’ll be ready… and I’ll be waiting.

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